Few titles are as directly descriptive of plot as CoHo’s forthcoming This Girl Laughs, This Girl Cries, This Girl Does Nothing, an all-ages fable about three sisters who take diverging paths through the wilderness into womanhood. Eenie, meenie, miney mo; I wonder which sister is played by Jen Rowe? I’m guessing Albienne, the fighter?

Defunkt opens The Pride, a widely split narrative that jumps a 60-year span to connect characters who share (almost?) nothing but a name. I love a good split narrative because the story—Humanity!—is already implied, and the rest of the exercise is just exploring the subtler curiosities of character. Spoiler: we’re all connected. But what will these particular people say and do?

Kodachrome, which was developed (har) at JAW 2015, makes its world premiere in the Armory’s Ellyn Bye Studio this weekend. Originally titled Colchester after the small town it snapshots (teehee), the play explores romance through the lens (stop!) of the local photographer.
Milagro opens Astusias por heredar un sobrino a un tĂo, a “long-lost comedy of manners” that was one of the first plays written in the New World, and which, the company says, hasn’t been produced since it was banned by the censors in 1792. That’s a long intermission. Two-hundred-twenty-six years later, here it is again.

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Okay okay okay. The season being whatever it is, due diligence demands that we explore your Valentine’s date-night options. Miz Kitty’s Parlour will be entertaining paramours this Saturday at The Mission, and Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven‘s Oddville is equally eager to show you its etchings (if you RSVP). Those who favor the far-out can venture to the wilds of a wine bar on Capitol Highway, where The Pulp Stage promises “decapitated head dating, super heroine mating, super hero matrimony, and super vamp-in-laws.” And in the Misery Seeking Company category, Mortified will read Doomed Valentines at Alberta Rose next weekend, which should scare Romance back into its hole until spring.