“The King of Christmas bit the big one between 10 p.m., when he returned home, and 11 p.m., when the missus came in with some fresh cookies.”

Under the Christmas tree we see, instead of beribboned presents, lifeless red-suited legs, still wearing snow boots. Yep: Christmas is nigh, the North Pole is in turmoil, Santa’s dead — and one of his elves is trying to catch his killer. 

The problem: There’s no murder weapon, no motive, no hat. And the self-appointed elfin investigator, Jangle, isn’t really a cop or even an actual private eye, although he sure sounds like one, specifically Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe, ca. 1940. If this newbie, wannabe detective doesn’t find Santa’s killer and missing hat (which can restore Saint Nick to life) before Christmas Eve, it’s the end of Santa forever. Christmas itself is on the line. 

That’s the setup for Bag & Baggage Productions’ delightful new all-ages holiday play Hard-Boiled Eggnog: A Christmas Noir, by Chicago-based playwright Zack Peercy, which runs through December 22 at Hillsboro’s The Vault theater. But there’s more to this smart, funny production than its merry noir-meets-Christmas concept. Hard-Boiled Eggnog also sends its protagonist and audience on an emotional search to find a solution to troubling times and feelings that all of us face at one time or another. And keeps us laughing all the way.

Twin Quests

“In this business, you can’t have pals, buddies, amigos, or … Bros,” Jangle tells the audience during one of the many moments in which he steps out of the stage action to narrate the story. “In this business, all you have are suspects.” 

Hard Boiled Eggnog’s plot traces Jangle’s series of interrogations of those suspects, along with encounters with neighbors, co-workers in his toy assembly line day job, and other Fa-la-la-la LaLa Land denizens who might offer clues about the Santacide. As in classic noir, some of those leads turn out to be dead ends. At each juncture, we learn more of the backstories of Santa and other North Polers, wisely avoiding potentially tedious chunks of exposition.

Those investigative sequences are punctuated by Jangle’s film noir voiceover-style narrations, disclosing his own thoughts, suspicions, even fears directly to the audience. Peercy’s witty script draws chuckles from the contrast between that familiar hard-bitten, world-weary film noir patois, and the story’s cute Christmas and elfinated references. In one running sendup of the noir source material, various characters deploy obtuse, convoluted metaphors that don’t always make sense, to Jangle or the audience or both. Younger kids may not catch all the historical references, or the sly, sometimes egregious puns, but the first act moves fast and fun enough to keep everyone enthralled.

Along the way, Jangle’s other quest emerges, the one that makes this play more than just a diverting holiday romp. While he searches for Kris Kringle’s killer, the amateur gumshoe is also seeking relief, closure, from his own grief over the recent death of his brother, Jingle. They’d long dreamed of starting a private detective agency together, but Jingle had died before it could happen. In appointing himself the investigator of Santa’s murder, the still-mourning Jangle hopes to fulfill their joint promise — and thereby surmount the loss that still tears at him in this first Christmas sans sibling, and that fuels the unresolved anger that keeps bursting out.

That inner quest takes the anguished elf through denial, repression, masking, and other emotional avoidance tactics. “This is so easy,” he exclaims after heeding a recommendation that he simply decide to just, you know, get over his pain. “Why would anyone choose to be anything other than happy?” If only. 

It’s not spoiling too much to say that Jangle — and the audience — eventually learn how to deal with tough emotions, and that it’s never easy. While this aspect of Hard Boiled Eggnog distinguishes it from so many other, gooier holiday confections, much emotional revelation and instruction is explained (in on-the-nose dialogues and monologues), rather than dramatized via action and subtext. For adult audiences, these several back-to-back Act 2 expository scenes may feel like too much telling, not enough showing. For kids, they pose an attention-challenging contrast with natural expectations of a fast, fun holiday tale, and with the brisk, action-oriented first act. 

On the other hand, those potentially pedantic lessons (including an “epi-yule-log” in which Jangle literally declaims the main takeaway out loud) about a complicated subject might need to be spelled out this explicitly, especially for grade- and middle-schoolers, who might learn something about how to handle their own tough times and intense, sometimes confusing feelings. (Think how concisely A Charlie Brown Christmas pulls off a similar balancing act, but even that classic doesn’t attempt anything as complex as HBE’s emotional navigation.) It’s a thorny writing dilemma, and as enjoyable as Hard Boiled Eggnog is for both older and younger audiences (for different reasons), I’m not sure Peercy’s script fully reconciles its twin missions. 

Charming Direction

Happily, Bag & Baggage’s imaginative production transcends that conundrum in most entertaining fashion. Using idiosyncratic movement, retro accents, jocular gestures, and other delightfully unscripted touches, director Nik Whitcomb imbues the characters with surprising depth and poignance — while doubling the number of laughs. (The twin twig-armed “copsicles” costumed by designer Signe Larsen swipe almost every scene they’re in, corncob pipes and all.) Whitcomb even augments the scripted action with brief, amusing, wordless interludes and offstage gags, and turns a simple snowball fight into an enchanting, crepuscular dream ballet that had the audience grinning and giggling. He’s a gifted director of comedy, and he makes this show sing.

So does B&B regular Mandana Khoshnevisan, who steals the show with a sensational performance in the double cast roles of Mabel the Abominable Bombshell cabaret crooner, and Jangle’s annoying neighbor, Ms. Figgy. Whitcomb has Mandana/Mabel introduce the show in character from her stage in the Cocoa Bar.

Khoshnevisan, who is B&B’s technical director and facilities manager, also wrote the original, cheeky Christmas-themed lyrics for the mid-20th century songbook standards Mabel sings (they’re not in the script), and built the colorful five-room set. Blanca Forzan’s set design conjures a convincing North Pole fantasyland, while adding a whimsical visual treat all on its own. The police station’s jail cell bars are made of tinsel.

Another B&B regular best known for his offstage contributions, General Manager and Resident Artist Ephriam Harnsberger, here seizes center stage as Jangle, drawing both laughs and sympathy from his easy rapport with the audience. Samuel Scott Campbell’s brilliant Walken-esque portrayal transforms the relatively bland character of Jack Frost into a hilarious apparent rogue who’s not quite what he seems. Nick Medina makes an exuberant foil as a fellow Elf employee with a secret. Everyone strikes just the right balance between the ingenuous, cartoonish vividness customary for a family holiday show, and a gently satirical wryness that resonates with contemporary sensibilities — another tribute to Whitcomb’s deft direction. 

Hard Boiled Eggnog touches lightly yet meaningfully on real issues that real kids (and tweens, and the rest of us) face, especially during the holidays — without souring the mirth and warmth that make holiday shows sparkle. In a theater season typically filled with over-familiar fare, schlocky Hallmark sentimentality or both, it’s a jolly treat for a local theater company to ring in a scintillating new Christmas season play that speaks to 21^st century life — including the less than merry parts.

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Bag & Baggage Productions’ Hard-Boiled Eggnog: A Christmas Noir runs through December 22 at The Vault Theatre, 350 E. Main St. Hillsboro. Tickets.